As I was about to finish with my prayer time the other night, the last prayer I read was about forgiveness. And as I was about to say the prayer, the people who I have forgiven came to my mind. After saying the prayer, a thought came to me: "Did I really (totally) forgiven those people?" I guess that was the Lord asking me.
It is so much easy to say that we have forgiven those who have caused us so much pain. But can we truly say that we have forgotten the incident, the reason for the misunderstanding, the painful words that were spoken and the mistake of that particular person to us?
I am not perfect, and I confess I have forgiven "them", but at the same time, I am not sure whether I have totally forgotten it. Honestly for me, it is hard to forget the things that caused so much hurt, the painful words that were uttered, and the trust that was destroyed. I do not hold any grudges or harbor any resentments, but when memories of it flashes back, the pain I felt came rushing back as well.
My friend told me that the only time she can totally say that she has forgiven and forgotten, is when there are no more "sumbatan" over whose fault it is, or why it started, or how it happened. As the cliche goes,"Time heals all wounds." I guess it hasn't healed yet...or maybe its just my pride over taking me. For me, another reason might be that there were no closure between the two parties. After the incident, we were not able to talk about it, we just drifted away and thought that we'll just forget the whole incident and stay the same. I confess, I am not good at talking, I am not comfortable with confrontations...I rather keep it all to myself and pray that things will work out.
For now, all I do is pray that I might be able to forget the past, and that I might be able to face "them" if the situation calls for it. And also that the people who I have hurt in the past, will also forgive me.
PRAYER:
"Heavenly Father, bless me with the grace of Forgiveness. Forgive my sins and annoit me with the love to forgive those who hurt me.
Jesus my Saviour, I thnk you for changing my heart to forgive and I am asking this through Christ our Lord. Amen."
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4: 31-32
1 comment:
Thank you so much for posting this. I've been going through the same thing right now.. And what I did was the same as yours.. Very inspiring I almost felt my throat tightened while reading this. God bless :)
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